Sisterly Love: The Oxymoron

"You had an abortion Bitch!" I looked at the text message in my phone and quickly began typing a response with trembling hands. My anger consumed me. Disbelief suffocated me. My head began to spin. All logic flew out the window. A piercing pain shot through my chest.

15 Years Ago....

I can feel the warm cement under my feet as I rush outside barefoot to greet the siblings I never met. The siblings I heard of and spent 9 yrs of my life without. It was the sister that was 5'0 who intrigued me. Something about her sassiness, and the resemblance everyone said me and her had. I attached myself to her, wanting to be like her, to be her. My dream came true, I had an older sister who was all mine! The other two didn't really count lol! The love I had for her was incomparable. She was all mine. After a while, her sassiness became bluntness, her bluntness, became verbal abuse, and her verbal abuse became physical abuse.

I was no pushover. I had a mouth of my own, But she failed to realize although she couldnt break me down physically how much her actions broke my heart, tearing down piece by piece the perfect relationship I thought we would have...forever. It wasn't so. This relationship became a nightmare. I grew resentment. I felt betrayed. How could she have painted a perfect picture in the beginning and cause such an ugly outcome. My mind raced for a solution. Before I knew it, that sisterly bond she was to grow with me..... she had already created it with someone else.

6 Years Ago....

I still love her. "How could you?!" would be the question she would attack everyone with. Giving a pretense of actually caring but in actuality your stories were mere entertainment that intrigues her. When the mood strikes her, her nature is to use anything and everything said in secrecy against you. We tolerate eachother although she constantly would try to tear me down in front of others. I still want the best for her. I still love her. I fell into a situation where I needed her the most. Instead of getting her support, I received her her tongue lashing, her judgmental spew began. My condemnation came from her lips.

1 Year Ago....

Through the years that I've known you. That little nine year old who looked up to you is still inside. Still begging to have her big sister. Still begging to share a bond. An unbreakable bond. That little girl's plea isn't answered. Her cries go unheard. She finally sees some relationships aren't meant to be. She soon realizes that it was all about you. Everything, every decision you've made in the past was first dissected in how it would benefit you. Your job was to protect me. Your job was to defend me. No matter what! Even if I were guilty of the heinous crimes you've accused me of, you should've defended me. You should've spoken to me. Instead you betrayed me. You attacked me with words, you even threatened me. The spirit of haughtiness within you came out. Sad thing is everyone saw it. Everyone was sickened by it. You blamed everything on me. Even your miscarriage.

Present

I still love you. That little girl no longer screams. She remains silent accepting that she has no big sister in you. That little girl realizes she has had plenty of sisters. She has been blessed with sisters all around her. Sisters who have stood by her through thick and thin. Sisters who have accepted me flaws and all. I know what unconditional love is. I had to go through what I went through with you. You had to be the pawn of such hatred. I don't hate you. I do love you still. But my love is numb. Loving you because you're a human being. Loving you because we share the same biological parents.

Sisters aren't determined by DNA. DNA doesn't define a relationship. The foundation does. Growth, wisdom, support, LOVE, unconditional love, is what makes my sisters my sisters. Not DNA. No blood relation can ever determine the foundation a true love relationship will have. I have sisters.....and you're not one of them.

Black Men & White Women

I recently watched a video clip based on the movie/documentary of "Diary of A Tired Black Man". It begins with a black man dating a white woman and his ex-wife and her friends witness their public display of affection. They then make an attempt to attack him. Calling him "weak" because of his choice for a partner/lover. I noticed how he carefully explained that any color or race of a woman who keeps peace in the house and welcomes him with love is his reason behind his choosing. If so, is it true that black women fail to keep the peace in their homes? Do they drive their husbands mad and out of the house with their obsession for a daily fight? Is it possible that a black woman's constant "pettiness" and "nagging" has a reason? Perhaps there is a bit more behind a black woman's ranting and raving.

First, let me address my opinion as to why there is so much animosity of a black woman towards a black man dating a white woman. It is a blow to our ego! That's the vulnerable truth. In the past these women were the wives of slave owners who attempted at breaking us down, who stripped us of our God-given right, who abused us in all shapes and forms. It seems as if dating a white woman today is the newest trend. Black men seem to parade them around as trophies and their most prized possessions. I personally don't have an issue with anyone who chooses to be with someone from any race, ethnic background, or color for important factors such as how the person makes you feel and their great inward qualities. But some black men are choosing these white women because they are white. Some where down the line, black women has become the bottom choice when they used to be held in high regard in a black man's eyes. A black woman in a black man's life was the greatest thing in the world.

What happened to the glorifications of the great qualities in a black woman? What happened to the praises that black men who adored us use to shower us with? Somewhere down the line something was broken. We forget to focus on the great qualities both our black men & women possessed. We forgot to to hold each other in the high esteem our ancestors showed one another. Now black woman are obsessed with glorifying themselves and lacking some of the qualities we proudly possessed. We scream from the top of our lungs how "strong" we are. Are we really? How can we make such a claim when our actions fail to display such characteristics. We fail to let go of the past, and we let it dictate our current perception of things. We fail to adapt to change. Black women, instead of learning from a bad experience, we decide to be a victim forever and generalize all our black men and place them in the same category of the last man who treated us poorly. We as women need to grow a thicker skin! We need to learn to look positively even through our worse experiences. I know it isn't easy and I'm guilty for it as well. But, we must take into account that we often fail to shed a positive light on our black men. The same black men we grow angry and resentful towards because he's tired of our undeserved anger.

Black men, you claim you are good to our black women and you are simply a victim of her past. What happened to you being a MAN? Are you not up for the challenge if and when it presents itself? Aren't you so called "victims" guilty of past discretions (or current)? Own up to your part! You might have grown from your past mistakes, but how many can say that they weren't the result of a bad experience? If you pursue a woman who obviously has a bad outlook on black men due to her bad experiences, why is it such a hassle for you to prove there are good black men not only through words but action. Black men should take responsibility in admitting that predominately you have fallen short from the Kings and Princes our ancestors were. Who were full of self-respect, love, pride, and responsibility. Predominately, what is the representation of black men? Doesn't the world view you in a negative light? Is it really us black women who shed negative light on our brothers?

In conclusion, I believe both black men & black women play a role in the lack of black & black relationships. Ultimately, we must fix the imperfections within us individually first then as a whole. Again, I'm not advocating that anyone shouldn't date outside their race. If you find love wherever it may be, then so be it. But brothers, don't avoid being with our beautiful black sisters because you're so busy accusing her of what you're guilty of. Its possible that a cause for such anger is in the decision making of our black men.