I recently watched a video clip based on the movie/documentary of "Diary of A Tired Black Man". It begins with a black man dating a white woman and his ex-wife and her friends witness their public display of affection. They then make an attempt to attack him. Calling him "weak" because of his choice for a partner/lover. I noticed how he carefully explained that any color or race of a woman who keeps peace in the house and welcomes him with love is his reason behind his choosing. If so, is it true that black women fail to keep the peace in their homes? Do they drive their husbands mad and out of the house with their obsession for a daily fight? Is it possible that a black woman's constant "pettiness" and "nagging" has a reason? Perhaps there is a bit more behind a black woman's ranting and raving.
First, let me address my opinion as to why there is so much animosity of a black woman towards a black man dating a white woman. It is a blow to our ego! That's the vulnerable truth. In the past these women were the wives of slave owners who attempted at breaking us down, who stripped us of our God-given right, who abused us in all shapes and forms. It seems as if dating a white woman today is the newest trend. Black men seem to parade them around as trophies and their most prized possessions. I personally don't have an issue with anyone who chooses to be with someone from any race, ethnic background, or color for important factors such as how the person makes you feel and their great inward qualities. But some black men are choosing these white women because they are white. Some where down the line, black women has become the bottom choice when they used to be held in high regard in a black man's eyes. A black woman in a black man's life was the greatest thing in the world.
What happened to the glorifications of the great qualities in a black woman? What happened to the praises that black men who adored us use to shower us with? Somewhere down the line something was broken. We forget to focus on the great qualities both our black men & women possessed. We forgot to to hold each other in the high esteem our ancestors showed one another. Now black woman are obsessed with glorifying themselves and lacking some of the qualities we proudly possessed. We scream from the top of our lungs how "strong" we are. Are we really? How can we make such a claim when our actions fail to display such characteristics. We fail to let go of the past, and we let it dictate our current perception of things. We fail to adapt to change. Black women, instead of learning from a bad experience, we decide to be a victim forever and generalize all our black men and place them in the same category of the last man who treated us poorly. We as women need to grow a thicker skin! We need to learn to look positively even through our worse experiences. I know it isn't easy and I'm guilty for it as well. But, we must take into account that we often fail to shed a positive light on our black men. The same black men we grow angry and resentful towards because he's tired of our undeserved anger.
Black men, you claim you are good to our black women and you are simply a victim of her past. What happened to you being a MAN? Are you not up for the challenge if and when it presents itself? Aren't you so called "victims" guilty of past discretions (or current)? Own up to your part! You might have grown from your past mistakes, but how many can say that they weren't the result of a bad experience? If you pursue a woman who obviously has a bad outlook on black men due to her bad experiences, why is it such a hassle for you to prove there are good black men not only through words but action. Black men should take responsibility in admitting that predominately you have fallen short from the Kings and Princes our ancestors were. Who were full of self-respect, love, pride, and responsibility. Predominately, what is the representation of black men? Doesn't the world view you in a negative light? Is it really us black women who shed negative light on our brothers?
In conclusion, I believe both black men & black women play a role in the lack of black & black relationships. Ultimately, we must fix the imperfections within us individually first then as a whole. Again, I'm not advocating that anyone shouldn't date outside their race. If you find love wherever it may be, then so be it. But brothers, don't avoid being with our beautiful black sisters because you're so busy accusing her of what you're guilty of. Its possible that a cause for such anger is in the decision making of our black men.
There is no color or race when it comes to love. We need to get out of what happened in the past(I would hope all see the human race as 1) The secret to love is understanding, commitment, openess, sharing, desire, be 4 real and guarding your heart against invasion of another....pure thought of only him or her...in other words faithfulness. There should be no thoughts of anger towards another race because their race is dating outside the circle...we search for LOVE, UNDERSTANDING if they give it take it...we all bleed red...its just the tone in our skin that makes us different..and I love a dark skinned man...just my preference...not that he treats me any different than a white or asian skin....as those of us who like a blonde, red, burnett, black haired person or blue or green or brown or black eyes, musculer, skinny or fat. what Iam saying is everyone needs to stop being haters!!!!! Let it go and find the one who gives you spark,desire,fun,and makes you feel whole as a person. Thank all who take the time to read and maybe give this world your thought...it is time we get along...and no Iam not a flower child...just GODS creation..he made us all!!!!!
ReplyDeleteSome black people / Black Men have not been warmly received by black women around them. Black women look at black men initially perhaps some underlying attraction naturally occurs to make them look at a black mans face or body and clothes, after the initial first look it can be an almost immediate loss of interest and the black man is thinking to himself why so suddenly is her interest gone.
ReplyDeleteThere is a lot to live up to and by most of what I have read black women want what most women and maybe men want real love which lasts, an un ending passion sexsual, spiritual growth, success in life etc
The difficulties that many black men face is a great feeling of self worth because they may not have achieved the academic excellence many black women are achieving, career success and so on.
This makes a man generally feel he has so much to live up to and in most cases not a clear path to obtain all the pre requisites a black woman would appreciate having in a potential black heterosexsual male partner.
I think most black men are particularly turned on by a strong woman with a fit sexy body and a nice face. it's natural for a male to desire a female isn't it.
To get to the point perhaps please accept in the most humblest way that black men need to feel that they are attractive, interesting, appreciated by more black women and if a black woman is successful on all levels not to ignore, overlook a black man with less achievement because the act of loving someone is not defined by how much a black man has achieved but is a heart felt passion that runs through someones entire body for their mate.
There are surely black men that are successful in many areas of life and choose not to overlook a black woman because she doesn't have a phd or some out of this world resume.
Keeping it real is really just that!
By not expecting to much from a black man avoids disappointment in if the outwardly visible material things are not evident such as a big fancy ride, massive house, stacks in the bank etc
Before all academic institutions and the developed world in the west was formed origanl inhabitants of the Motherland Africa and Carribean did not live with all the materialistic things that many of us are surrounded by now.
Black men and women did fall in love and lusted for each other greatly, causing the birth of future off spring generations and the black people all around the World in the present are a result of that passion and desire.
The appreciation between black female and black male ancestors resulted from desire for each other attraction not for the amount of cash in the bank, social status, street credibility, clothes the black man was wearing.
Black women and have one edge over a black man and that is their femininity.
Being a beautiful black woman regardless of if the woman is well dressed or dolled up, rich or poor, loud or quiet etc means very little because of the fact that she will be noticed for her noticeable beauty and physical form.
So please black women successful, highly achieved, intellectual, sexy, business minded and so on, try not to get mad with black men who may not have the success you have had in life.
Keep an open mind if you are the achiever and your black man is not because one day it may well show that behind all the flirting, sex, booty appreciation that black men give they love will love you in the knowledge that you are a successful, clever and well put together black women and you being all of those things doesn't in any way make it possible to not love you based on any lack of achievement or success thereof.
Love for sheer act of feeling love for someone love base on a long list of criteria seems very rigid and almost un natural to the roots from which the black race has sprung.
Hope this changes in the modern day and black women can recognise the immense spiritual wealth black men have to offer them as a partner who is worthy of their love.
Peace and love.